Tough Decisions and My Wonderful Life Partner

Sometimes things in this life challenge us.

Most the time we try and fix the "problem" and change it to be our way.

I have recently experienced this...

Here's the back story...

I graduated from High School in 2003... I was 17 and very immature (though I faked maturity really well)...

I'm a perfectionist, in the worst way, in the way that I have convinced myself that if something doesn't end up working out the way that I want, or if I think I will fail... I won't even try. This happened in high school for me.

I was a good student, kind of, I went to class and did my homework, but when it came to tests and trying my hardest, that was the hardest part for me.

I was the kind of person that felt "if it doesn't come naturally, then I'm going to fail anyway"

Seriously.

This was how I felt... And this feeling has followed me around for most of my life, but I work on this to try and help myself live as full of an imperfect life as possible.
Sooo... I've been going to community college for 8-10 years.
I started college at 17 and did badly... It was SO much harder than I thought and I got lazy...
I found that no one cared if I didn't go to class (imagine that) I was supported by my parents, wasn't disciplined when I was younger, basically told myself that it wasn't as important as sleeping in and staying up until 3am...
In 2005 I went to Pharmacy Technician School to learn how to work in a pharmacy as basically the right hand man of the pharmacist.
I then started to work in a Pharmacy and learned...
I hated it.
HATED IT!
My parents heart broke... They spent all this money and I didn't even like what I had gone to school for...
In my heart of hearts I HAVE to love what I do.
If I don't 100% love it, I sabotage my life. It's that brutal...
Call it the gypsy in me... The Sagittarius in me... Whatever... That's the way I am.
I then went back to work at Bed Bath and Beyond and kept looking for ANY other job in a Pharmacy that wasn't retail (CVS, Longs, Walgreens etc)
And found one! I got hired at a mail-order pharmacy where I only dealt with people over the phone and only had to type prescriptions all day!
I loved it!
I worked there for about 2 years and then...
I decided that I wanted to be a Pharmacist.
More money? Check. More power? Check. More school? Ugh.
But I was willing to go to school to be a pharmacist so I could work in the job I now tolerated, but have more power and therefore feel like I was more successful... The perfectionist in me LOVED the idea of having a great job at a level that was really respected...
So I quit my job at the mail-order pharmacy to go to school full time and started working where I work now CVS pharmacy!
I realized on my first day... This job for pharmacists was not as awesome as a pharmacists job at mail-order... I also learned that there are WAY more jobs at the retail level then at hospitals and mail-order...
So my goal of being a pharmacist?
I changed my mind... And wasted all of the chemistry and biology courses I took... So I changed to...
Teaching!
Le duh! I thought - OK I like kids, I like teaching people things, I like the easiness of classes (so I thought)...
Yeah... I just about transferred to a 4 year when I spent some time in a Kindergarten/1st grade mixed class...
HATED IT!
Teaching is no joke!
I thought I would be good at it, that because I like kids (one on one I might interject) that it would be SO awesomely perfect for this to be my job...
Needless to say, I realized it wasn't for me. I have so much respect for teachers... They really shape and form children into the people that they will be.
So, what was I going to do now?
Psychology? I could get my BA, then my PhD and then I could really be respected in this world right??
Well... I have now applied to San Diego State University 3 times.......
Oh and denied 3 times.
And also applied to California State University San Marcos 2 times........
And denied from there too...

Now. The story doesn't end there.
In the million of years that I've been going to community college I had to add one more semester of a foreign language to my transcripts...
In 2003/2004 I took American Sign Language. I really liked it and didn't mind having to take once more semester...
But here's the issue... I realized I needed one more semester in Fall 2011... It had been over 5 years since I had taken ASL and needed a MAJOR refresher course.
So I was at a different school at this point and decided that instead of just trying to brush up on my own I would retake both ASL I/II
I fell in LOVE with this language.
I couldn't imagine my life without it at this point! I love it so much I decided that I wanted to not only incorporate working with Deaf clients in with my clinical psychology dreams, but also teach my children (when we have them) ASL to help them communicate when they are littles...

Well I recently go denied from both of those schools again and have felt really downtrodden... Like I'm not sure what I'm supposed to be doing in my life in regards to school...
My husband and I sat down and discussed what my next moves should be education wise...
Should I stop and we will start having children?
Will I be happy enough just working as a Pharmacy Tech for the rest of my life?
(the answer was always no BTW, but I asked the question anyway)
Should I just continue working toward the psychology degree that I thought I should have?

Then my wonderful life partner, the father of my future children, My best friend said...
"I don't know why you don't just become an interpreter. If both of us have to work, then at least one of us should love what we do... And I never see you as happy as when you are talking about ASL."
You know what else?
He totally made sense... I have found something I'm good at AND I love?
SCORE!
This is why I married my husband.
He is kind and thoughtful, but he is also a thinker and someone who solves problems (something I have hard time doing)

So, why am I telling you this?
To tell you about how HAPPY I am that I have taken the long way.
The road less traveled by, if you will... I have learned what is best for ME.
I thought my own high standards of becoming Dr. Casey was the most important, if somewhat unrealistic goal...
But you know what? One day I may end up with my BA and a PhD... Because even though I am going to be knocking on 30's door in 3 years, I am happy to be able to tell you...
It's all good!

XXOO Lucy