More importantly, learning to love me!
I am 26 years old. For about 15 or more of those years I have been at a battle with myself and what I actually have going on compared to what I THINK I need to be.
What have I learned?
1. Embrace where your from.
I am English. I look English. I was raised with by English parents. As my mother-in-law would say, I am proper. My husband not proper... I have stopped trying to fight it, I love it and accept it.
2. Embrace what you got. Skin.
I'm one of the most pale, non-redheads in San Diego... Actually probably in Southern California, period. But guess what, I don't want to be tan. It's 1000 x easier to avoid getting tan (via the sun, sunless tanner) than actually trying to look like everyone else. No tan lines, no freckles, constant sun protection? Fine with me.
3. Embrace what you got. Hair.
I'm a natural blonde. I use enhancing shampoo in the summer because I don't go out and get natural highlights. But this Fall, my hair is getting a little darker, and I like it! Last Fall I went red and got a new haircut. This Fall, I am rocking what I got. I'm okay with it. I used to hate being blonde. Why? Do I need to fit the stereotype? My hair and skin blend together! I may not be taken seriously! Will people take me seriously?
Guess what? No. one. else. gives. a. rip.
4. Embrace what you got. Body.
I am 5'9". I am flat chested. I carry my weight in my bottom and lower belly and very top of my legs.
For the longest time I wanted to get enhanced. Up top. Since I turned 18 I wanted to dial it up.
Now? I'm married. And 26. And I feel like I'm tired of hating what I have. Guess what? I may change my mind, but for now? I am happy with what I have. My husband is happy with what I have. My health is golden. That's enough for me.
5. Embrace your laugh.
Sometimes I snort. When I laugh. It makes other people laugh.
But guess what? I realized I love making other people laugh, so what if I don't laugh beautifully, laughs should not be judged... This is something that makes me a little unique, love.
6. Embrace your quirk.
Some wouldn't call being a perfectionist a quirk. I would.
This is one of my traits that I worked long and tirelessly to get rid of. Why? I thought that it would make me a better person if I wouldn't be a perfectionist. That life would end up being easier if I fought it. That over time I would be able to be 'normal'.
I am done fighting it. Living with and accepting my perfectionist nature actually makes my life easier.
Letting it happen, and not worrying that I won't be 'normal' makes my life more enjoyable.
7. Embrace letting go.
With my 'quirk' I have also learned to let it go.
My expectations that I have for myself and my marriage are fully perfect ones.
If everything is perfect, my life will be perfect, right? Wrong.
Guess what? I've never been a wife before this marriage. I can't possibly do everything perfectly.
And my husband? I easily accept him and his shortcomings... But do I accept mine? I used to answer "Not even close". Am I working on it? Yes. Is it hard? Yes. Do I have more love than I used to? Yes, for myself and my husband.
So let it be known. I am on a constant quest for my sense of self.
I am just a girl. Just a wife. Just a human being ready to accept and work on this thing called life.
Cheers.
2 comments:
This was beautiful! Thanks for sharing your feelings and journey.
Lydia N. <3
LOVE this! Thanks for the lift-up, good mood post :)
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